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I Don't Understand

8 minute memoir - "I don't understand"
from @anndeecandy

*****

There are many things I don't understand. In fact, I wonder if I do understand anything at all. It seems unlikely.

For instance:

I don't understand why my dog's head looks so small on the rest of her body. We recently had her hair cut and it's like her head has been shrunk by an evil wizard.

I don't understand why something good can't come in the mail every day. I've sacrificed, and spent my pennies, and ordered magazines, but they all come on one day. I want them to spread out and take their turns so that I can open the mailbox every single day and find a good present.

I don't understand why when it gets warmer outside the house, but not too warm, it gets colder inside.

I don't understand why I always seem to be one step behind, getting the memo on "how to make things happen" a beat after everyone else. Just in time for the memo to be useless.

I don't understand how I can work so hard to get the tasks finished to get to the end of the day, and find that all that work was just to get to the end of the day. What am I checking off days to get to exactly? Why am I "just getting through this"? What am I missing that would help me step outside of this and realize it's all happening right now. And why, even if I tell myself about this, do I still not feel this? I still need to get this done, so that I can get on to whatever that other thing is. It's like I have my dog's small brain.

Spencer doesn't understand why the water is draining from the sink when he wishes it would stay in. All he has ever wanted is to play with water all the time, and no matter what he does, the water drains and I tell him he can't run the faucet anymore, and he is left with nothing at all.

Lack of understanding makes me frustrated. If I could understand, could I not then accept? Or would I only not understand why it had to be the way that I now understand. I believe I could manage something as annoying as that.


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