I read something the other day that really bothered me. It said, in effect, that motherhood was a
small slice of womanhood. It’s not that
I didn’t understand the sentiment or respect this person’s opinion. Motherhood does not happen for all
women. It is not wanted by all
women. And even for those who experience
it, and love it, motherhood has boundaries of years and influence. But motherhood being a slice of
womanhood? That simply does not ring
true to me. It seems so backward. So dropped on its head. We are women to be mothers. Mothers in a myriad of ways. But mothers.
I have many things I love to do in life. I love to write. I love to read. I love to create things (unless they are
meals). I love to dance. I love the outdoors. I love naps.
Many of these things – in the moment – I enjoy more than “motherhood.” And I don’t just mean that I love them more
than the mundane details of motherhood: laundry, homework, meals. That’s obvious and apparent. The thing is, that sometimes I even love them
more than the glorified aspects of motherhood.
More than convincing my children to love each other and seeing them
treat each other respectfully. More than
cuddling before bed and hearing about the day’s adventures. The truth of the matter is, I am not a
natural for even this portion of motherhood.
I like solitude. I like
quiet. I like spareness; clean and
simple lines. Motherhood is anything but
solitary, clean or simple. It is being
held at any hour of the day by any number of people who insist they have the
right to do so. It is chaos operating
within the bubble of a woman, rather than outside it.
But even though I often enjoy other activities and uses of
my time more than I love the life of a mother, I cannot agree that motherhood
is only a slice of womanhood. All that
other, all that extra, all those things that I really want to prize – those are
the slices, and they are interchangeable for each person based on who they’re
meant to become. Seeing these slices as
the forest instead of the trees ignores an entire world beyond such a narrow
operating lens. It ignores the essence
of what woman is. I am glad women have
education. I am glad women have
causes. I am glad women solve
problems. I am glad women achieve and
enjoy and live and hold freedoms. I know
the strengthening of woman has enormous impact on the world around her.
But I assure you, as my life has progressed, as I’ve sorted
things both in and out of what I find necessary for each day, there is one
thing that remains. It is the hard
thing, the thing I don’t always like doing, the thing that oftentimes seems
completely beyond me. It is
motherhood. And the truth of the matter
is that I would drop all those starry ideals and experiences to hold and
comfort a newborn in my arms. A newborn that
needed to be loved, and taught, and prized.
A newborn that needed a mother to realize that for that moment her life
revolved around his.
And, in fact, I have.
It’s very trim and tidy to say this truth is mine
alone. That every woman finds her own
center, be it business, talent, political cause, or child. It is very trim and tidy to say I don’t
believe in an absolute truth, in an absolute necessity of motherhood for
women. It makes a nicely wrapped package
that people would happily accept. And
while I do believe that each and every woman has this decision to make, and that
her choice should be respected when she does so – the truth I see is that
motherhood for every woman is not a slice. That motherhood pulses at the core and, given
permission, can radiate outward like the sun, giving energy and meaning to all
the rest. It is the truth I feel, it is
the truth, which for me, must be spoken.
Wow Jamie. This is just what I have been thinking about lately, and your writing.... It is so beautiful, thank you.
ReplyDeleteTheir are endless ways to continue (or begin) being a mother, a nurturer throughout life here on earth, and of course, throughout the eternities. It is my greatest joy to be a mother, worth every hard failing, every exhausted effort, worth all of the difficulties. I love my babies and am so very grateful for them! your truth is also my truth, thank you for putting it out there.
I'm glad it had meaning for you too!
Delete